There are few topics outside the realm of technology on which I feel qualified to speak somewhat authoritatively. Coffee would be one of these.

Under the right conditions, I am quite able to wax eloquent about the flavor characteristics imparted by the soil conditions in various parts of the coffee growing world, as well as the effect different processing techniques have on the eventual beverage experience. Fortunately, these are not the right conditions.

Anyway, I've often wondered how we (I mean, humanity) discovered the stuff. I mean, the process by which you go from coffee cherry to hot beverage is not exactly the most intuitive thing in the world. Perhaps it happened this way:

                         MOMENT OF COFFEE DISCOVERY
                                   SCENE 01

EXT. CAVE - DAY. Enter THAD, THAG, and URK.

THAD: Wow, I'm really bushed from today's mammoth-clubbing.
THAG: I know what you mean. I sure could use something to drink.
URK: urk (agreeably)
THAG: I say, Thad -- do you see those little berry things over there?
THAD: You mean the ones growing on that tree?
THAG: Quite! You know, I bet we could make a tasty beverage out of those berries.
THAD: Naturally. All we'd have to do is pick them off the tree.
THAG: And soak them in water till the skins fall off...
THAD: then pick out the seeds and roast them over that hot thing you discovered last week.
THAG: Fire?
THAD: Right! Fire! And once we've done that, we just have to grind up the beans, soak them in water *again* and then we're cooking with gas, baby!
THAG: Actually, no. Natural gas won't be discovered for at least a few more millenia yet.
THAD: Well, at least we've got this "coffee" drink to help pass the time.
URK: urk urk urk!

How on earth did we manage to connect all those dots? The mind boggles.

The really crazy part is that somewhere, some people thought that process wasn't complex enough. Apparently, in some parts of the world, the really really good beans must first fall off the tree and be eaten by a small mammal somewhat distantly related to the mongoose. Only after they are subsequently shat out the other end of said mammal do they become truly fit for coffee making.

You would like to think that I am making this last part up. However, I assure you I am not. The good folks on BBC radio told me about it on my drive home from work today. Apparently this stuff is key to revitalizing the coffee industry in the Phiilipines.

I'm sure it won't be long before I can walk into Starbucks and say "I'd like a half pound of Cafe Mongoosepoop ground for French Press, please".